Me complaining and day 8.

I'm still catching up.. that is why it's not technically the next day.

I normally don't post the whole love dare but I think I am today. Am I jealous of these people that are getting what I want? Yes. Is it a bad jealousy? I'm not sure. I really needed this Dare today. 

I'm sure everyone knows I am talking about a baby. We have been trying for over a year and it just seems like it will never happen for us. I'm watching all these people around me get pregnant and it just really hurts. I'm losing sleep over it just like this Dare says. I don't understand why we can't conceive. What about all these people that are getting pregnant and having abortions? Why can they conceive these babies they don't even want? What about these parents that kill their babies? I know what you are going to say.. when the time is right it will happen... I know. But it still makes me sad.

And before you say it, yes I am extremely grateful for my girls.

Day 8 - Love is not jealous.

Jealousy is one of the strongest drives known to man. It comes from the root word for zeal and means "to burn with an intense fire." The Scripture pointedly says, "Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?" (Proverbs 27:4).

There are actually two forms: a legitimate jealousy based upon love, and an illegitimate jealousy based upon envy. Legitimate jealousy sparks when someone you love, who belongs to you, turns his or her heart away and replaces you with someone else. If a wife has an affair and gives herself to another person, her husband may have justified, jealous anger because of his love for her. He is longing to have back what is rightfully his.

The Bible describes God as having this kind of righteous jealousy for His people. It's not that He is envious of us, wishing He had what we have (since He already owns everything). It's that He deeply longs for us, desiring for us to keep Him as our first love. He doesn't want us to let anything take precedence over Him in our hearts. The Bible warns us not to worship anything but Him because "the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God" (Deuteronomy 4:24).

With this established, we will shift our focus to the illegitimate kind of jealousy that is in opposition to love -- the one that is rooted in selfishness. This is to be jealous of someone, to be "moved with envy."

Do you struggle with being jealous of others? Your friend is more popular, so you feel hatred towards her. Your coworker gets the promotion, so you can't sleep that night. He may have done nothing wrong, but you became bitter because of his success. It has been said that people are fine with your succeeding, just as long as it is not more than others.

Jealousy is a common struggle. It is sparked when someone else upstages you and gets something you want. This can be very painful depending upon how selfish you are. Instead of congratulating them, you fume in anger and think ill of them. If you're not careful, jealousy slithers like a viper into your heart and strikes your motivations and relationships. It can poison you from living the life of love God intended.

If you don't diffuse your anger by learning to love others, you may eventually begin plotting against them. The Bible says that envy leads to fighting, quarreling, and every evil thing (James 3:16, 4:I-2).

There is a string of violent jealousy seen throughout Scripture. It caused the first murder when Cain despised God's acceptance of his brother's offering. Sarah sent away her hand-maiden because Hagar could bear children while Sarach could not. Joseph's brothers saw he was their father's favorite, so they threw him in a pit and sold him as a slave. Jesus was more loving, powerful, and popular than the chief priests, so they envied Him and plotted His betrayal and Crucifixion.

You don't usually get jealous of disconnected strangers. The ones you're tempted to be jealous of are primarily in the same arena with you. They work in your office, play in your league, run in circles...or live in your house. Yes, if you aren't careful, jealousy can also infect your marriage.

When you were married, you were given the role of becoming your spouse's biggest cheerleader and the captain of his or her fan club. Bot of you became one and were to share in the enjoyment of the other. But if selfishness rules, any good thing happening to only one of you can be a catalyst for envy rather than congratulations.

He may be enjoying golf on the weekend while she stays home cleaning the house, He boasts to her about shooting a great score and she feels like shooting him.

Or perhaps she is constantly invited to go out with friends while he is left home with the dog. If he's not careful, he can resent her popularity.

Because love is not selfish and puts others first, it refuses to let jealousy in. It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them. A loving husband doesn't mind his wife being better at something, having more fun, or getting more applause. He sees her as completing him, not competing with him.

When he receives praise, he publicly thanks her for her support in aiding his own success. He refuses to brag in such a way that may cause her to resent him. A loving wife will be the first to cheer for her man when he wins. She does not compare her weaknesses to his strengths. She throws a celebration, not a pity party.

It is time to let love, humility, and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart. It's time to let your mate's successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to show genuine love.

Today:

Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's lists of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

Questions:

How hard was it to destroy the list? Not hard, I had saved it on the computer so I didn't burn it I just deleted it.
What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate? We have been working on being healthier and he has done really well with the diet part which is sometimes hard for me. He is losing weight pretty fast. I could be happier for him and not JEALOUS that it is harder for me to shed pounds.
How can you encourage them toward future successes? I will definitely work on being a better cheerleader.