Drama and Day 12... a big one.

As you know.. or most of you anyway, I am giving up facebook. This Dare will explain why.

But first, I worked out.. alone again last night. I didn't want to.. at all. But I forced myself. John did boy workouts n the garage with his punching bag, he said he is going to start back with me again next week.. we will see.

Baby Daddy has some how been reading all of my stuff.. He is not happy about it. We got in a big argument yesterday about it.. but it's my thoughts on my page and my blog. I haven't lied about anything and I have said many times that he does pay child support.. I just think he needs to step it up in other areas.. Whatev..

John was of course pissed.. He hates facebook and it all started because I posted things... well how was I to know my PRIVATE page would be shown to Baby Daddy. He doesn't exactly like Baby Daddy and would like me not to give him any reason to be more of a prick, it's already hard for John to keep his mouth shut.

Now you will see why yesterdays dare is such a big deal. I will explain it more at the end. (I'm in bold.)


Love Dare -- Day 12

Love lets the other win. (Seriously! Of all days.)

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. -- Philippians 2:4 (Not exactly what I wanted to hear...)

If you were asked to name three areas where you and your spouse disagree, you'd likely be able to do it without thinking very hard. You might even be able to produce a top ten list if given a few more minutes. And sadly, unless someone at your house starts doing some giving in, these same issues are going to keep popping up between you and your mate. (For us there is really only a couple.. guess which one is the biggest)

Unfortunately, stubbornness comes as a standard feature on both husband and wife models. Defending your rights and opinions is a foundational part of your nature and make-up. It's detrimental, though, inside a marriage relationship, and it steals away time and productivity. It can also cause great frustration for both of you.

Granted, being stubborn is not always bad. Some things are worth standing up for and protecting. Our priorities, morals, and obedience to God should be guarded with great effort. But too often we debate over piddling things, like the color of wall paint or the choice of restaurants.

Other times, of course, the stakes are much higher. One of you would like more children; the other doesn't. One of you wants to vacation with your extended family; the other doesn't. One of you prefers home-schooling your kids; the other doesn't. One of you thinks it's time for marriage counseling or to get more involved in a church, while the other doesn't. (or Facebook, as John calls it.. The Devils Work)

Though these issues may not crop up every day, they keep resurfacing and don't really go away. You never seem to get any closer to a resolution or compromise. The heels just keep digging in. It's like driving with the parking brake on. (So freaking true!)

There's only one way to get beyond stalemates like these, and that's by finding a word that's the opposite of stubbornness -- a word we first met back while discussing kindness. That word is "willing." It's an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate our conversations.

All it takes for your present arguments to continue is for both of you to stay entrenched and unbending. But the very moment one of you says, "I'm willing to go your way on this one," the argument will be over. And though the follow through may cost you some pride and discomfort, you have made a loving, lasting investment in your marriage.

"Yes, but then I'll look foolish. I'll lose the fight. I'll lose control." You've already looked foolish by being bullheaded and refusing to listen. You've already lost the fight by making this issue more important than your marriage and your spouse's sense of worth. You may have already lost emotional control by saying things that got personal and hurt your mate.

The wise and loving thing to do is to start approaching your disagreements with a willingness to not always insist on your own way. That's not to say your mate is necessarily right or being wise about a matter, but you are choosing to give strong consideration to their preference as a way of valuing them.

No, you won't always see eye-to-eye. You're not supposed to be carbon copies of each other. If you were, one of you would be unnecessary. Two people who always share the same opinions and perspectives won't have any balance or flavor to enhance the relationship. Rather, your differences are for listening to and learning from.

Are you willing to bend to demonstrate love to your spouse? Or are you refusing to give in because of pride? If it doesn't matter in the long run -- especially in eternity -- then give up your rights and choose to honor the one you love. It will be both good for you and good for your marriage.

Today's Dare:

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first. I did this.. it didn't go as you would think.. I'll explain after the questions.

In your journal:

What issue did you choose? You guessed it.. FACEBOOK.
What did giving in cost you? Technically, nothing.. but I love facebook. It entertains me when I am bored, lets me keep in touch with people I wouldn't be able to normally, let's me vent.. you get the point. I have a slight facebook addiction.
How will this help you in the future? It will maybe stop a few arguments.. I can no longer see things that might make me mad and go back and tell John what I saw. No more "putting my business out there" which will also make my husband (and ex-husband) happy. I'm not sure how it will help me.. but it SHOULD please the husband. 


Now for how it went down.


I have an extremely close relationship with my mother in law. She seriously is one of my best friends. I tell her everything. John doesn't talk to her as much as I do.. Well yesterday after the big blow up with Randy and then with John when I tried to tell him about Randy I called her. I was driving home, I had read the Dare and I knew what I needed to do. When she answered I asked how she was feeling and stuff. I then told her I was giving up facebook. Her reply, "Good". It took me by surprise, but then she explained that John had called her and was really upset about the whole situation and he just really doesn't understand why I need facebook to begin with. 


I get home and ask John to go to the store with me.. I explain to him that I am giving up facebook for him and about the dare and how I am letting him win. His reply, you don't have to do that, you should get rid of it because you want to not because of me. He actually got kind of mad at me, we argued, I cried, I did my best to explain what this said and that the whole point is to do it for him. I'm not sure how it will end but for now.. no more facebook. Later today I will be deactivating my account. :( I thought he would be happy about it.. I text him and told him I was deactivating it today, he replied, "Thanks for the sacrifice, but its your decision".

Am I doing the right thing? Is this going to help? Time will tell.
Do I feel good about it? Not really. I think it sucks.. but that is the whole point I guess. 
I'm doing this for him.. "I'm willing to go his way on this one".


On my way to work I was praying about all this, asking for guidance and help because I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing.. Well I had happened to turn on KLOVE which I haven't been listening to lately and at the end of my conversation with God my most FAVORITE Christian song came on.. I'll post the video so you can hear it. It was even my favorite version.. the acoustic live version. 

I am still going to blog for now. I made it private so only a select few will be reading it.